Overcoming Anxiety: A Practical Guide To Steer You out of Worry and Panic

I work with many clients to manage challenging emotions like excessive worry and panic. 

I’ll admit that while I had situational anxiety, like when I had to play the piano in front of a crowd at recitals or when I was on a really rough flight, it wasn’t something I felt regularly. 

However, recently, I encountered a situation that caused great distress, worry, and even panic. 

I’m telling you about it now because I got through it — and I’m sharing what worked.

Here’s what happened: I had a difficult interaction with a friend I care about at work, and it not only made me angry but also sad. Then, my desire to control the situation kicked in, which usually doesn’t lead me to good places.

I noticed this friend was unhappy during a meeting, so I asked if she was okay. She said she was, but her face told a different story. She still looked upset and angry. 

Later, I walked past her and patted her shoulder, assuming that something happened before the really upsetting meeting. Then, later in the day, she actively avoided and glared at me.

I wasn’t the only one who noticed that something was off. The boss and coworkers asked me what was happening. I wished I had answers.

When I got home, I was still concerned but also angry at this friend, which overshadowed the great work I had done in the meeting that I was proud of. Then I grabbed a hard iced tea from the wine fridge and grumpily went to bed. My heart was racing, and my thoughts were swirling, so I watched a Netflix show and attempted to sleep. I woke up at 4:00 a.m., still angry, and didn’t go back to sleep. 

For the next two days, I found myself thinking about it, getting angry all over again, and then being distracted and grumpy with the people around me. I was so tired from not sleeping well the previous night that I ate all the carbs I could find. The sugar crash led to me skipping my workout.

Enough was enough. Anxiety was Setting in and I needed to take action.

I needed to complete the stress cycle. 

And I really needed a good night’s sleep, so I went to bed on time and didn’t bring my electronics. It worked. I knew I needed to complete the stress cycle, which I should have done two days ago, so I worked out. I focused on eating more protein and replacing bread and chocolate with fruits and veggies. 

Then, I had some hard conversations. I reached out to the friend, but she didn’t want to talk. I spoke to the boss to let her know what was going on from my perspective. I felt better and then worked on my thoughts.

Here’s how my thoughts progressed: 

Circumstance: My friend moved away and made a face.

Thought: Her actions are affecting others. 

Body: I felt it in my stomach and chest.

Action: Get angry.

Result: Have many thoughts about what should happen, sleep terribly, feel anxious and panic-y feelings, not wanting to see the friend again. 

Thought work:

• I’m doing the best I can and so is she.

• What more do I need to learn and know about this person or situation?

• Was the story I made up correct?  

• I need to focus on exercise, sleep, and nutrition.

After examining my thoughts and developing more supportive ones, here’s how this situation unraveled.

Circumstance: A friend moved away and made a face. Note, this didn’t change)

Thoughts: She’s doing the best she can. It’s not up to me to control her actions. Other people can manage their own feelings about her.  I don’t have to protect them, and I don’t have the authority to hold her accountable, so I have to trust those who do. This has impacted trust, and I can use this knowledge to set boundaries in the future if needed. I’m open to learning more if I get the opportunity one day. I’ll put my attention and energy into people that want it.

Feeling: Neutral or calm

Actions: Focus on my job, my family, my friends, and myself.

Results: Feel less anger, anxiety, and panic, increase positive coping skills, increase focus on what’s important to me, and act with integrity.

There’s always a reason why we feel what we feel, even if we’re not consciously aware of it. If we’ve been ignoring our feelings for a long time, then we have a lot of reasons stacked on top of each other. It will take some time and support to clear the pile, but it’s possible and feels fantastic once we do it. 

The price for the life you want is discomfort. 

Being okay with feeling some feelings, looking at painful things, and recognizing that feelings are sensations in our body that will not kill us will ultimately give us the peace and calm we are looking for!

While I should have done this thought work two days prior, I still did it. In the future, I plan to catch myself before it gets as far as it did.