How To Stay Committed to Your Resolutions Well Past January
The hustle and bustle of the holidays is behind us, and the kids have gone back to school.
How are you feeling? Do you need a vacation from your vacation? Are you happy to get back to a routine? Are your New Year's Resolutions a distant memory?
Last week, we talked about the importance of creating habits. How’s it going?
Look at the numbers:
23% of people quit their resolution by the end of the first week
43% stopped by the end of January
Only 9% of people keep their resolutions
Often, we’ll say things to ourselves like, "I can't keep my commitments to myself," "Change is too hard," or "I'm just lazy." These thoughts aren't necessarily true, and they’re certainly not helpful.
Here are some key questions to ask yourself:
What's working this week?
Have you been getting more sleep?
Drinking more water?
Opening up about your feelings?
What are you proud of, and what do you want to keep doing?
At this time of year, many people like to use shame against themselves if things don't go as planned or if they aren't good at their habits within a few weeks. In reality, these things take more time than you think they should, and having patience and self-compassion when it doesn't go well is important to stay persistent.
Let me explain how not keeping our resolution this week can help us make lasting habits:
Figure out what's working. Are you happy about it or proud of it?
Determine what went wrong. What's getting in your way of success?
Make a new plan and stay the course.
For the past few weeks, I’ve been prioritizing moving my body. I've been trying new activities like pickleball and doing things I haven't done for years, like skiing. I'm also paying attention to what my body needs, and I did yoga several times when my body felt stiff. My movement goals aren't rigid, like I have to move for two hours a day, but I balance what I'd planned to do with how my body feels.
That doesn't mean this journey has been perfect. I had to adjust my plans when I got a cramp in my quad from pickleball. I had to postpone the next game for a few days. So, I went for a walk instead.
When we went skiing for two days, I was tired after the first day and went swimming on day two instead while my family went to the hill. The point was that I kept searching for options and didn't get too discouraged when my initial plan didn't work out.
What got in the way of your goals this week?
This is the most essential part of the process. Was the new thing outside of your schedule? Did your brain get in the way and tell you that watching movies was more fun than what you wanted to accomplish?
In the past, the things that got in my way the most were not wanting to do the thing when the time came and not planning ahead. Our brain wants us to conserve energy just in case an emergency arises and we need to run away or fight. While this was helpful in primitive times, it's not helpful now. One way to calm that system down is to start doing the same thing every day at the same time.
If you want to create a habit of making your bed, make it as soon as you get out of bed every day. When your brain says it doesn't want to, tell it why making your bed is important. For example, “This habit makes the rest of my day better,” “I feel accomplished when I make my bed,” “Making my bed makes me want to do more things, and then, at the end of the day, I get into an inviting bed.”
Another thing that makes a habit more likely is to set yourself up for success.
Say you want to drink more water:
Get a water bottle and fill it first thing in the morning.
Put it somewhere that you’ll see it throughout the day.
Have a plan to drink a bottle when you wake up in the morning, one after breakfast, and one in the afternoon.
Lastly, make a new plan and stay the course. You'll constantly get more information about what's working and what's getting in your way. Be determined, have grit, and keep looking for ways to solve this problem. It takes a lot longer than you think to make a new behaviour automatic, and in some cases, I’ve been working on some habits for years!
Commit to actions that will improve your life for the rest of your life.
If you notice it's not going well, recommit or pivot.
At this time of year, many people like to use shame against themselves if things don't go as planned or if they aren't good at their habits within a few weeks. The reality is that these things take more time than you think they should, and having patience and self-compassion when it doesn't go well is important to keep being persistent.
Using shame will make you feel that you can't reach your goal. Self-compassion will help you stay in the game and keep problem-solving.
Give yourself credit for what's working, figure out what's not working, change something, and then be kind to yourself for sticking with the difficult process of change. You can do it!
