71: The "Have To" Trap: Why You're Exhausted, Resentful, and How to Get Out
Do you ever feel like your life is being run by an invisible rulebook you never agreed to? I should post weekly. I have to work late. I’m supposed to do it this way.
In this episode, I’m getting personal, and sharing the exact moment I realized that the word “have to” had quietly taken over my work, my schedule, and my sense of self. After three years of recording a podcast every single week (yes, even on holidays, even at midnight before family trips), I finally asked myself a question I should have asked long ago: Who actually made this rule? And why was I so afraid to break it?
Drawing on cognitive behavioral therapy principles, I walk you through how our unexamined “should” thoughts generate real feelings of pressure, resentment, and overwhelm, and how a simple shift in awareness can change everything. Because here’s the truth: most of the rules driving your exhaustion aren’t facts. They’re automatic thoughts. And you can change them.
What you’ll discover today:
• Why “I have to” and “I should” are rarely facts, and what they’re actually costing you
• How automatic, unexamined thoughts create feelings of obligation, guilt, and overwhelm
• The specific question to ask yourself that reveals whether a “rule” is actually worth following
• How running on “shoulds” affects your mood, your energy, and the people around you
• A practical framework for rethinking your responsibilities and becoming more intentional about what you take on
• Why authenticity and courage, not perfection, are what people are actually looking for from you
Timestamps:
00:00 — Introduction: When Business Overwhelm is Really a Mindset Problem
03:45 — The Hidden Cost of Outsourcing Your Creative Voice
07:20 — Perfectionism vs. Authenticity: What Audiences Actually Want
11:00 — Algorithm Rules and the “Shoulds” of Social Media
15:30 — The Weekly Podcast Grind: A Case Study in Obligation
20:00 — What Happens When You Finally Give Yourself Permission
24:00 — The CBT Framework: Rethinking Your Responsibilities
27:30 — How “Shoulds” Run in the Background and Drain Your Joy
31:00 — Practical Steps to Identify and Question Your Obligations
35:00 — Final Thoughts: Efficiency, Effectiveness, and Living Intentionally
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