24: The Heart of Self-Care: Beyond the Bubble Bath

Today, we're diving deep into a topic that's important but one we sometimes misunderstand: self-care.

We often think of self-care as bubble baths and massages, and while those things are lovely, they might not give us the lasting feeling we're truly looking for. In fact, I've come to realize that true self-care isn't an action but actually a question. It's about really understanding what's going on within us.

When we think about self-care, do we immediately go to facials, pedicures, or a new outfit? These things sound great and can be a part of self-care, but they might only make us feel good for a few minutes. Sometimes, they even come with unwanted side effects.

When my kids were little, I remember feeling like every day was Groundhog Day — that monotony can be really draining. A client recently shared a similar feeling, which reminded me how common this experience is. It got me thinking about what we would change in our lives if we could.

Would we want to be less busy, stressed, tired, frustrated, or overwhelmed?

What's going on in your life right now?

The reason I ask these questions is because there's a skill that can help, and it has a powerful question attached to it. That skill is mindfulness. You might groan at that word, and that's okay! Mindfulness simply means paying attention and reconnecting with how you're feeling in the moment.

Here's the question we need to ask ourselves: What do we really need?

This is the heart of true self-care. Instead of simply noticing we don't feel awesome and numbing those feelings, we need to ask what's honestly going on. When we ask ourselves, "What is happening for me?" that's when we can get to the root of the problem and actually address it, rather than just using coping or numbing techniques.

As a psychologist for almost 20 years, I've seen clients come to me with symptoms like anxiety, depression, and burnout. These are real problems that therapy addresses, and to do so effectively, we need to understand where these symptoms are coming from.

It's easy to want a quick fix, but if we don't address the root cause, we're only putting a band-aid on it. Sometimes, we start with techniques, but the real change happens when we're willing to dive into the heart of the matter and ask ourselves what we need most.

Takeaways:

• Real self-care isn't a spa day — it's a question that addresses our internal needs.

• Mindfulness is about paying attention to your feelings in the moment and is a key skill that can help you identify what you truly need.

• Asking "What do we really need?" is the core question for effective self-care.

Recommended Actions:

• Practice mindfulness daily by taking a few moments to check in with how you're feeling.

• When you experience discomfort or stress, ask yourself, "What is truly going on?" and "What do I really need?"

• Go beyond the symptoms of stress, anxiety, or overwhelm to get to the root cause.

If you’re struggling with the symptoms and feel guilty for taking time for yourself, I invite you to schedule a free 20-minute consultation.

Timestamps:

00:00 What Self-Care Really Is

00:23 Rethinking Self-Care: Beyond Bubble Baths

01:52 Understanding Mindfulness

03:27 Identifying the Root Causes

14:58 The Five Dimensions of Wellness

19:50 Practical Tips for Self-Care