Distinguishing True Emergencies from Everyday Stress
How do you handle emergencies?
Know that I mean real emergencies, not just perceived ones.
From time to time, we find ourselves in unexpected situations that are true emergencies. We know that we should quickly call 911 if we're involved in or witness a life-threatening event.
But what happens when our minds think that every difficult situation is an emergency?
It can be quite overwhelming to live in a state of panic that's not proportional to the gravity of the situation.
Let’s figure out what's actually an emergency, and what to do if the brain is blowing things out of proportion.
Emergency defined: "An unforeseen combination of circumstances or the resulting state that calls for immediate action." or, "An urgent need for assistance or relief." Merriam-Webster.
This is a scenario where, if you gathered a hundred people together, they would all agree that there's imminent danger and 911 should be called for help.
However, when 911 isn't needed, your normally thoughtful brain can still go offline, and your instincts can kick in to save you and move you into action. This is the time when your body and brain prepare to flee, freeze, or fight, and you don’t do a lot of planning or weighing your options — if any. All your brain is telling you is that something is coming to kill and eat you, so you'd better run away — fast!
There are thoughts that lead to seeing stressful life events as emergencies.
There's no immediate danger to yourself or others, but these thoughts make you feel stressed out and even panicky. Your body will respond in similar ways to being under immediate threat, and you'll rush around acting accordingly. This is the time that I get calls or messages from people saying that they need to talk right away.
Why do we do this to ourselves?
What's the purpose of panicking when it is not helpful and often makes the situation worse?
It happens to many people, and one reason is that anxiety is the most contagious emotion we have. It would make sense to be afraid of something other members of the group find scary, or run away from something that others find threatening. In primitive times, this instinct saved our lives! In modern times, it's much less helpful.
Also, think back on your life. Did a parent overreact when they saw a particular animal or were around someone who had a specific emotion? Maybe they feared German Shepherds or would avoid anyone who appeared sad.
They may have passed their irrational fears down to you. I know many people who are afraid of animals like cats, but have had no negative experiences with cats aside from observing their own parents’ reaction.
Have you had experiences that taught you which situations were unsafe? If a family member flew into a rage and became violent, then you would learn to fear anger. With enough of these types of experiences as a child, our nervous system can stay stuck on high alert. Stressful life events in our adulthood can feel like emergencies.
Whether our emergencies are real or perceived, awareness of our emotions is the first step, and then self-regulate.
Brené Brown describes how her husband Steve, a physician, approaches emergencies. He asks himself if he has enough information to freak out. If he does, then he asks if freaking out will be helpful? Typically, the answer will be “no.” He also says that the bigger the emergency, the slower he walks toward the situation, because it helps to keep his nervous system calm, and helps him think clearly about how to handle it.
Many people find tactical breathing helpful for emotional regulation. This is where you breathe in for four seconds, hold for four seconds, breathe out for four seconds, and finally, hold for four seconds. Repeat this sequence a few times. Once you feel calmer, you can assess the situation and determine if there's an immediate threat. If not, then it’s time to brainstorm.
Ask yourself more about what the perceived emergency situation is that is causing you to feel panicky.
Why is this circumstance a problem?
Then, come up with options to address the issue. If “catastrophizing” is a typical response, it’s helpful to reach out to a friend or talk to your therapist to strategize solutions to the situation. Our brains often give us false information, so it can be helpful to get another perspective.
Others may help us come up with solutions that we wouldn’t have thought of on our own. In these situations, it’s helpful to practice staying calm and problem-solving. This will give you new evidence that not all hard situations are emergencies. Your nervous system will begin to understand that feelings are meant to give you a “heads up,” not take you out of the game with fear and panic.
Feelings are useful, but they have the opposite effect when they're allowed to run the show.
You can practice noticing and allowing the feelings, and then use your evolved brain to work with your primitive instincts to make sound decisions.
We all face difficult situations from time to time, and learning how to respond with a calm, clear head will not only make you much more effective but will also help you feel less overwhelmed.
It's normal to face challenges, and learning to respond to them in a way that aligns with your values and integrity will give you the best shot at building trust with yourself. You will improve the way you handle hard things and feel proud that you did the best you could under the circumstances.
Others around you will appreciate when you are the calm in the storm and reliable when it comes to managing difficult situations. With practice, your brain will eventually start perceiving most events as normal and a part of everyday life, and even in true emergencies, you'll become calmer and level-headed.
