Sleep is Your Secret Weapon Against Overwhelm
This topic touches almost every overwhelmed woman I speak with: sleep.
Or, more accurately, the lack thereof. I know the feeling of exhaustion all too well, and for years, it was almost a status symbol for me. Busyness and productivity were inextricably tied to my self-worth. I’d often say, "Oh, I'm so exhausted," or "I'm so busy," and there was a fleeting dopamine hit that came with that. It felt good to say, almost as if I was important, because my life was so full.
Ultimately, that momentary feeling wore off, and for the remaining 23 hours of the day, managing my life became incredibly difficult and overwhelming.
What I’ve come to realize is that there are foundational pillars in our lives — called keystone habits — that, when addressed, make the rest of our habits and our lives significantly easier. For me, and for many women, sleep is at the very top of that list. Having worked with hundreds of overwhelmed women as a psychologist, I have seen how quickly something as simple as getting quality sleep can make a significant difference.
Sleep is a Biological Priority, Not a Luxury
One of the first things I recognized when I was burning out was the urgent need to change my own sleep habits. Most of us are experiencing sleep problems, and if you’re not, good for you! Keep doing what you’re doing. But for the majority, the issues are foundational, often a combination of lifestyle factors and, as I discovered, even hormonal imbalances.
For years, I struggled. I was usually okay falling asleep, but then I'd wake up around 3:00 a.m., or if I did sleep through, I’d be up by 5:00 a.m., which simply wasn't enough rest for me (and in Alberta, it's way before the sun comes up!). On odd nights, I'd have trouble drifting off due to stress, work worries, or things on my mind that would lead to rumination, making sleep impossible. These sleep disruptions snowballed, making it harder and harder to establish a healthy routine. It reached a point where I needed intervention.
Address Medical Factors Impeding Quality Sleep
I saw my family doctor, who recommended a sleep study. I wore a ring on my finger for one night to monitor for sleep apnea. The results showed I was borderline, but not severe enough to warrant a CPAP machine. This led me to explore other medical factors.
I realized my seasonal allergies were significantly impacting my breathing and, consequently, my sleep. Treating these with doctor-prescribed antihistamines made a huge difference. I hadn't even realized how much my sinuses and ears were impacted, causing dizzy spells. When it cleared up, I felt massive relief.
This highlighted a crucial point: start by considering all medical factors that could be impacting your sleep, from chronic pain to night sweats.
The Importance of Adequate Sleep to Combat Overwhelm
Think back to when you were a kid — you’d just lie down and zonk out, waking up only when you had to. Can we get back to that? The ultimate goal is to fall asleep quickly, sleep through the night, and wake up feeling refreshed and ready to take on the day. While we do require slightly less sleep as we age, please remember: if you’re busy, stressed, and exercising, 7-9 hours of sleep is still the sweet spot for most women. Don't fall into the trap of thinking you'll be fine on a few hours. I once had a male client who swore he only needed four hours. That's simply not true — especially for women.
During sleep, incredible brain processes happen: memory consolidation, emotional processing, and a vital "cleaning" process where your brain clears out plaques and makes new neurons. We can't undo sleep deprivation — its effects are cumulative. This isn't meant to worry you, but to emphasize the absolute necessity of making sleep a priority.
The Impact of Sleep Deprivation
Imagine waking up completely restored and refreshed. What would you be able to do? You'd have energy to exercise, be present for your loved ones, think clearly at work, solve problems, and generally be happier. When I was sleep-deprived, I noticed increased cravings for sugar and carbs — a natural attempt to get quick energy to my brain and body.
Our bodies also produce more adrenaline to compensate for exhaustion, which, over time, makes it harder to unwind and relax. This constant "on" switch elevates cortisol and inflammation. We need to be able to turn that adrenaline faucet off after an emergency passes. Your life can’t be a perpetual emergency, and the way many of us live, it certainly feels that way. This impacts both our mental and physical health.
Your sleep habit is the number one thing to take care of when you’re feeling overwhelmed and burned out.
Women, we need to make sure sleep is a priority. Think about caring for a baby: their sleep and feeding routines are paramount because they’re essential for them to have energy and be in a good mood. We are no different. We need to prioritize our sleep and nutrition. Just because we're adults and think we can cope, doesn't mean we should. The problem is that short-term coping often leads to no long-term solution, and it becomes our new “normal”.
How do you feel about taking a nap?
Most of us are sleep-deprived, so why not take a nap? Is it because you feel too busy, don't have time, or simply think that naps are only for kids? I used to notice that after lunch, I'd crave coffee, sugar, and fatty foods, even though I was full. Instead of reaching for something that would actually make me feel more tired in the long run, I'd ask myself, "What do I really need?"
Truthfully, I was actually tired.
Even a 15-minute lie-down, whether I fell asleep or not, would mentally and physically refresh me. I didn’t think it would be enough at first, but I was pleasantly surprised! We need to reframe rest as a true necessity and part of our self-care routine.
Establishing a Consistent Sleep Schedule
Start by setting a consistent wake-up time. What time works for your routine? 6, 7, or 8 a.m.? Set it, and stick to it, even on weekends. It might feel hard at first, but this is an experiment. Use the scientific method to figure out what works best for you.
Once you have your wake-up time, work backwards. If you want to wake up at 7:00 a.m. and need eight hours of sleep, you need to be asleep by 11:00 p.m. This means starting your wind-down routine by 10:00 p.m.
Once you've set your schedule, stick to it!
Our bodies have circadian rhythms that regulate everything from sleep to hunger. Consistency helps regulate these rhythms. I even had to retrain my body to stop waking up for a bathroom break at 3:00 a.m. because I had inadvertently trained it to do so when I was constantly waking up! I’ve learned that we all wake up during the night. The trick is to not make a big deal about it, turn over, fall asleep, and forget it ever happened!
Daytime Habits for Better Sleep
Now, let's talk about your daytime habits. When are you consuming caffeine, and how much? For me, I make sure to stop drinking any caffeine after about noon. One to two cups a day is plenty for me.
The less caffeine, the better for your brain in general.
Are you moving your body? I used to be mentally and emotionally exhausted, but I wasn’t exercising. To sleep better, you need to physically get tired, too. Incorporate vigorous movement into your day. A 20-minute brisk walk is a great start. Exercise releases happy hormones and helps you manage stress hormones, but avoid vigorous workouts too late in the evening (ideally no later than 7 or 8 p.m.). I find that gentle yoga or stretching is helpful in relaxing before bed.
Non-Pharmaceutical Support for Better Sleep
You might even consider some non-pharmaceutical sleep aids. Magnesium glycinate or threonate is an amazing mineral that calms the nervous system and supports deep sleep, especially if you’re stressed or your muscles ache. I like to take it before bed, and it’s incredibly helpful. Melatonin can also be useful in the short term, like when traveling across time zones, but use low doses (0.5-1 mg) to avoid disrupting your natural cycle. L-Theanine, found in green tea, can reduce anxiety without sedation. My brain health doctor also recommended GABA, which I take before bed, and it really helps.
Sleep is a requirement, not a luxury, especially for women who are overwhelmed.
Prioritizing sleep isn't a luxury but a fundamental necessity for our overall well-being, especially as women. By addressing any medical factors, setting regular routines, and adopting healthy daytime and evening habits, you can finally get the sleep you need to be able to function at your best each day.
