The Emotional Weight of Life Stage Endings: Understanding Overwhelm
How transitions shape our mental and emotional well-being
A few months ago, I experienced many endings, from the end of my term on the parent council to a high school graduation, the loss of a pet, and the last club volleyball game. It made me wonder how many other people are feeling overwhelmed by the number of endings at this time of year.
Are you feeling overwhelmed with all the change during this time of year?
Life is a series of stages, each with unique highs and lows to navigate. Beginnings often come with excitement and optimism, while endings can evoke a mixture of emotions, from relief to grief. These moments of transition can feel disorienting and often leave us struggling to manage our day-to-day lives. Let's take a look at why transitions weigh so heavily on us, and how we can manage the fears and feelings that result.
The Weight of Transitions on Our Emotions
Endings are complex because they're not just moments in time, but also emotional experiences. We often tie who we are to the role we play or the job we do, our identity, or cherished memories.
And when a door closes, we're often forced to adjust how we perceive ourselves in the world. Then, we're often hit with the realisation that nothing lasts forever — a heavy uncertainty that can be difficult to wrap our minds around. For example, when I watched my daughter play her last club volleyball game at the national tournament last weekend, I was sad that I would not get to see her do this again, that we would not be at another tournament running into players and parents that I've known for years, and that I would no longer be a mom-manager of an athlete or team.
My daughter is experiencing this change too. We talked about no longer being an “athlete”, no longer having a “team”, and no longer playing a sport she loved competitively. These transitions challenge not only our routines but our perceptions of who we are and how we relate to others.
Life stage endings can feel overwhelming because there are many emotional factors that contribute to our experience:
Loss of Identity: Many life stages are tied closely to our sense of self. When a child graduates from high school and moves away from home, parents can feel lost, as their role as a parent identity is no longer a cornerstone of their daily life.
Fear of the Unknown: Moving from one stage to another often involves confronting a new situation. This uncertainty can evoke anxiety and make it hard to focus on the opportunities that lie ahead.
Nostalgia: Looking back on meaningful experiences can make us feel a bittersweet longing for the past, and knowing that we cannot go back can amplify feelings of sadness.
Shock and awe: We may not feel ready for this stage to end. It may have come sooner than we expected, and/or we may not have imagined that this day would come. We can experience emotions like regret, panic, or deep sorrow.
Pressure to Adapt: We don't often talk openly about adjusting to life’s transitions, so it can feel like we're expected to move seamlessly and gracefully onto the next stage, and feel like there's little space or time to process our emotions.
The Overwhelm That Often Accompanies Life Stage Shifts Can Leave Us Spinning
It's common to feel overwhelmed during life stage transitions, and many of us can relate to moving from childhood to adolescence. As we get older, we gain more responsibility, experience physical and hormonal changes, and we can long for the simplicity of childhood.
When we graduate and move into early adulthood, we're often asked, “What is next?” We're usually stepping away from the structure of our schedules, our peers, and the guidance of coaches, teachers, and mentors. It can feel overwhelming not to know exactly what the future will look like in a world that prizes productivity and success.
Career changes can feel heavy, even when you choose them.
When changing jobs, either by choice or through a company restructuring, it can be challenging to imagine who you are outside of your career, sad to say goodbye to colleagues, and even your routine. The uncertainty of the future can feel daunting, and starting over in a new role, company, or a completely different career path can ignite fears of failure.
Parenting is a continual process of embracing and letting go.
When children grow up and leave home, many parents can struggle with feelings of loss and loneliness.
In theory, retirement is a time of life that we all look forward to, but it can be a period of profound adjustment. Many retirees struggle with finding purpose and relevance. The absence of structure and professional achievements can leave some feeling unfulfilled.
Navigating Transitions with Grace and Resilience
There's a huge emotional toll when things end, but there are also ways to navigate these transitions with grace and resilience:
It's essential to give yourself permission to feel your feelings. Try to name what you're feeling and lean into the discomfort. This will allow your emotions to pass and not get stuck.
Leaning on friends and family or professional support can help you feel validated, reminding you that you're not alone in your journey.
Take time to reflect on what you've learned and accomplished during the stage you are leaving behind. Expressing gratitude for these lessons can help you shift your focus from loss to opportunity.
Approach the next stage with curiosity and an open mind. We can be sad about the ending and cultivate excitement for the future at the same time.
Re-evaluate your routines and add more things that create joy and fulfillment. Maybe you'll sign up for that new class you've been thinking about for years, or reconnect with a group of friends, or even rearrange your home.
We often underestimate the overwhelming emotional impact of life stage endings. At the same time, they offer us the opportunity for reflection, self-compassion, and growth. By embracing both the grief of what's ending and the possibilities of what lies ahead, we can face the future with strength and hope and enjoy the journey of writing the next chapters of our lives.
If you're experiencing overwhelm while navigating a life change or ending, you don't have to go through it alone. Get in touch.
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