The Truth About Trust at Work: Why It’s Earned, Not Assumed
“I don’t trust you.”
It’s the last thing anyone wants to hear.
And yet, it’s often how people feel about their colleagues at work.
For years, there was an assumption — especially in leadership — that trust came with the title. If you were the boss, people trusted you. If you were promoted, trust was implied. Leaders were often baffled when they discovered there were trust issues on their teams.
That assumption doesn’t hold anymore.
These days, trust is low in many workplaces. There’s low trust in government, in leadership, and among colleagues. Sometimes, even low trust exists within families, marriages, schools, and our communities.
Heck, some days we can barely even trust ourselves.
And when trust is low, the impact is immediate.
We feel disconnected.
We don’t feel safe.
We don’t feel secure enough to take risks or be creative.
And our stress levels rise.
The truth: Trust is not inherent. It's earned.
And it is built, or broken, in small ways that leave a lasting impact.
What Happens When Trust Is Low
Without trust, people don’t speak up. They don’t challenge ideas. They don’t admit mistakes. They don’t ask for help.
Instead, leaders may respond by:
Over-explaining
Over-functioning
Avoiding hard conversations
Tightening control
None of these behaviours rebuild broken trust, though. In fact, they often erode it further.
Sometimes trust breaks because someone genuinely behaved in a way that wasn’t trustworthy. Other times, trust erodes slowly — through inconsistency, avoidance, lack of boundaries, or unspoken expectations.
And sometimes we trust too quickly.
We might say too much, share something that wasn't ours to share, or even ignore red flags. We assume good intentions without evidence.
When we get burned, it doesn’t just break trust with that person; it breaks trust with ourselves.
We start questioning our judgment, hesitate to be vulnerable again, and tell ourselves, “I should have known better.”
We even stop trusting ourselves if we realize we’ve trusted the wrong people.
That’s why understanding how trust is built and broken is so important.
This is a topic we cover during Dare to Lead training.
Trust Is Built in Small Moments
Trust is rarely built through grand gestures or inspiring speeches.
It’s built in the small, consistent moments, when you do what you say you’re going to do, when you hold a boundary kindly and clearly, and when you own a mistake without defensiveness.
Trust is lost the same way.
A small broken promise.
A dismissed concern.
A sarcastic comment.
A confidential detail shared “just this once.”
The smallest action can break trust, unwinding years of trust-building.
The 7 Elements of Trust: BRAVING
There are seven elements that create trust. We can use the acronym BRAVING to remember them.
B — Boundaries
What’s okay and what’s not okay?
And what will you do if a boundary is crossed?
Clear boundaries actually increase respect. People will respect you more when you are clear and kind about your limits than when you try to be a people pleaser.
When boundaries are unclear, resentment builds. When they're consistently reinforced, safety builds.
R — Reliability
Do you do what you say you’re going to do?
Reliability sounds simple, but it’s where many trust issues begin.
Often, reliability issues stem from underestimating how long something will take or saying “yes” when you actually mean “no.”
Every time we overcommit and underdeliver, trust erodes—both with others and with ourselves.
A — Accountability
Do you own your mistakes?
And do you hold others accountable when necessary?
Nothing erodes culture faster than watching people get away with behaviour that violates values or expectations.
Accountability is not about punishment. It's about taking responsibility.
It says, “Our standards matter.”
V — The Vault
Don’t share what isn’t yours to share.
Confidentiality is foundational to trust. When someone shares something vulnerable, and it later becomes gossip, trust doesn’t just crack — it shatters.
If people can't trust you with information, they can lose trust in you completely.
I — Integrity
Choosing courage over comfort.
Doing what’s right over what’s fun, fast, or easy.
Integrity is not dramatic. It’s the daily decision to align your actions with your values — even when no one is watching.
N — Non-judgement
Can people ask for help without being shamed?
Can they admit a mistake without being belittled?
Non-judgement doesn’t mean we avoid hard conversations. It means we approach them with curiosity.
G — Generosity
Assume people are doing the best they can.
This doesn’t mean tolerating poor behaviour, though. It means leading with curiosity instead of assumptions.
Generosity helps us avoid jumping to conclusions. It keeps communication open.
Vulnerability and Trust Grow Together
Trust is not an all-or-nothing leap. It doesn’t appear overnight because of a title, a team meeting, or a well-worded speech. Trust grows gradually and grows in relation to vulnerability.
We build trust by extending a little trust first. Then someone responds with a little vulnerability. When that vulnerability is handled with care — when it’s met with reliability, confidentiality, and non-judgement — trust grows. Then there’s room for a little more vulnerability. And the cycle continues.
That’s how healthy trust develops: incrementally and reciprocally.
If we overshare too quickly, especially in environments where trust hasn’t been established, it can overwhelm a relationship. It can feel unsafe rather than connecting. On the other hand, if we never risk vulnerability, the connection never deepens.
When trust is damaged, rebuilding follows this same gradual pattern. It requires small repairs, consistently aligned behavior, and time. You cannot demand trust back. You demonstrate trustworthiness repeatedly. Over time, safety is restored not through promises, but through predictable, values-aligned action.
The Link Between Trust and Self-Trust
One of the most overlooked aspects of trust is its close tie to self-trust.
When we understand what builds and breaks trust, our self-trust increases dramatically. We begin to recognize red flags in behavior rather than rationalize them. We address concerns sooner instead of letting resentment build. We set boundaries earlier, rather than waiting until we are overwhelmed or hurt.
Sometimes we can trust too much and end up getting burned. When that happens, we don’t just lose trust in the other person — we lose trust in our own judgement and hesitate to be vulnerable again.
But when we understand the components of trust, we regain confidence in our ability to assess trustworthiness. We keep ourselves safe — not by shutting down or refusing connection — but by being discerning.
Becoming a Trustworthy Leader
Trustworthy leadership isn't about perfection or even being liked by everyone in the room — it's about consistency.
Trustworthy leaders practice small, aligned behaviours over and over again — even in private. They do what they say they're going to do, own mistakes, and hold others accountable.
And when trust breaks — as it inevitably will because they're human — trustworthy leaders don't panic or become defensive. They get curious, take responsibility where needed, and return to the behaviours that build trust in the first place.
Because trust is not automatic.
It is built.
And rebuilt.
Through consistent action over time.
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