39: Overcoming the "Do I Deserve This?" Question
The Gender Gap in Self-Worth: A Psychologist's Perspective
"Do I deserve this?"
"I don't know if I deserve this?"
These brought me to the question: "Do men wonder if they deserve their success?"
Women, it's not your fault.
After speaking with hundreds of women over the past week, I found that this question came up repeatedly.
Here's what feeling undeserving looks like:
Not asking for higher compensation for work
Giving more, potentially to the point of overwork and burnout
Not applying for the promotion
Working more to compensate for the thoughts that we're undeserving
The thing is, this all leads us to feel overworked, overwhelmed, and burned out.
When these thoughts come up, notice what you feel in your body.
Where do you feel it?
Is it a tightness in your chest?
Do your shoulders creep up towards your ears?
Next, identify the emotion coming up.
Look, when we achieve more than we ever dreamed, our self-concept—our sense of who we believe ourselves to be and what we deserve—needs to evolve.
And often, we lack a frame of reference for this new level of achievement.
I'm exploring this question of deservingness today. Here's what you'll discover:
Many women, especially leaders, struggle with the feeling that they don't deserve their successes.
How feelings of unworthiness often lead to self-sabotage—such as not asking for a raise, working long hours, or avoiding career advancement.
Societal conditioning and traditional gender roles contribute to women's difficulty in defining their worth, especially in professional settings.
To overcome these feelings of deservedness, it's crucial to redefine our self-concept and imagine who we want to be.
How to develop grounded confidence by knowing your worth without hustling for it.
Timestamps:
00:00 Introduction to the Overwhelm Care Podcast
00:20 Women Asking, “Do I Deserve This?”
01:30 Gender Differences in Self-Worth
02:39 The Impact of Self-Sabotage
03:56 Identifying and Understanding Self-Worth
07:29 Redefining Self-Concept for Women
12:39 Imagining Your Future Self
16:05 Embracing Success and Self-Worth
21:56 Wrap Up and Contact Information
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