64: "Un-Nesting": When Your College Kid Comes Back Home
Navigating the Return of Your College-Age Kid (Without Losing Your Mind)
I was so focused on the heartbreaking transition of my daughter leaving for university that I completely failed to prepare for the shock of her coming back home.
My house had gotten quieter, with less chaos and less mess, and I found it difficult, in an unexpected way, to welcome her back.
When she returned for a couple of weeks over the holidays, the extra energy, mess, and schedule conflicts — like me going to bed early and her staying up late — made the adjustment a little jarring.
This made me realize we can't just assume things will go back to the way they were, as everybody has changed.
The goal of this phase is to avoid controlling their young adult lives and to shift our role to that of trusted allies and mentors.
Key Takeaways:
Hear about the three practical things I’m implementing to make the four-month summer transition smoother.
Why we can't assume things will simply revert to the old way when a young adult child returns home, as everyone has changed, and not acknowledging this can be a recipe for disaster.
How to initiate discussions before or immediately after they return to address everyone's fears and concerns, including those of their siblings.
Ways to practice emotional tolerance during family discussions.
How to rainstorm solutions to prioritize issues, remembering that this is a process of problem-solving and experimentation.
The invitation to shift your parenting role to a trusted ally and mentor for your young adult.
Timestamps:
00:00 Welcome and Empty Nest Discussion
00:31 Why Kids Move Back after College
01:15 Independence Then vs Now
03:55 Empty Nest Emotions
05:33 The Shock of Homecoming
06:09 Plan Ahead for Summer
08:25 Talk It Out First
11:15 Listen Without Fixing
13:17 Brainstorm and Experiment
14:24 Weekly Family Check Ins
16:44 Extra Parenting Resources
17:49 Mentoring Young Adults
19:45 Final Encouragement and Contact
Link from today’s episode:
Dr. Becky’s program and website, Good Inside
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