What Confidence Really Looks Like (And Why Yours Might Be Armor)
Grounded Confidence: The Kind of Self-Belief That Actually Works
Most of us want more confidence, but we’re not always sure what that actually means. Some of the behaviours we associate with confidence, like arrogance, defensiveness, or endlessly proving ourselves, are actually armor. And armor, no matter how convincing it looks, is not the same as genuine, grounded confidence.
In this episode, I’m breaking down what Brené Brown’s research calls “grounded confidence”, the kind of self-worth that isn’t about performance, bravado, or proving your value. It’s about truly knowing who you are, sitting with the full human experience, and having the courage to show up anyway.
As a psychologist, I’ve seen how much our level of confidence shapes everything: how we parent, how we lead, how we set boundaries, how we recover from mistakes, and whether we even try. The good news? Confidence isn’t a fixed trait you either have or don’t, it’s a set of skills you can build.
What you’ll discover today:
• Why most of us are walking around with a “fragile self-worth”, and how armored behaviours like defensiveness, arrogance, and indifference are actually signs of low confidence, not high.
• The difference between armor and grounded confidence, and why people can usually tell which one you’re using.
• The 8 elements of grounded confidence, based on Brené Brown’s research, including learning and improving, practicing courage, rumbling with vulnerability, staying curious, and practicing humility.
• Why confidence doesn’t mean feeling 100% sure all the time, and how to build it gradually, starting with just 10% more of the time.
• How grounded confidence makes it easier to set boundaries, take risks, be vulnerable, and accept other people as they are.
• Why experience, not just mindset, is essential to building lasting confidence, and how small wins count.
• A simple weekly practice: pick one element of grounded confidence to focus on, and notice when you’re doing it well, and when armor shows up instead.
Timestamps:
00:00 Why We Want Confidence
02:10 The Socialization of Self-Worth
04:30 What Confidence Really Is (and Isn’t)
07:15 Far Enemies: When Armor Looks Like Confidence
10:30 The 8 Elements of Grounded Confidence
09:45 Learning and Improving
10:30 The Language of Emotion
11:45 Practicing Courage
13:00 Rumbling with Vulnerability
14:10 Staying Curious
15:30 Practicing Humility
17:00 Committing to Mastery and Practice
18:30 Feeling Embodied and Connected
21:00 Confidence Grows with Experience
23:30 Letting Go of Outcomes
38:00 Closing and Contact Information
Links from today’s episode:
Related Episodes:
• 58: Oversharing vs. True Vulnerability
• 60: Expect the Unexpected: Responding to Life’s Curveballs
