From Shame to Self-Acceptance: How to Start Feeling Better in Your Body
It was 18 degrees the other day in Edmonton, and this week’s spring forecast is looking good! Okay, there’s a chance of snow later in the week, but it won’t stick around, I promise. It's finally feeling like spring here, and like every good Canadian, I’m skipping ahead in my mind to summer vibes, since our warm season is so short.
As I was packing away my winter wool sweaters and pulling out my shorts and dresses. It made me think about women’s biggest shame trigger, and how worrying about what we look like is a never-ending narrative running constantly in the back of our minds.
97% of women think negatively about their bodies every day.
The statistic that 97% of women have at least one "I hate my body" moment daily comes from an exclusive 2011 survey conducted by Glamour magazine.
This statistic is backed up by Brené Brown, whose research has found that women’s biggest shame trigger is body image. Men don’t have the same relationship with their bodies. Instead, men’s biggest shame trigger is being perceived as weak.
This constant worry contributes to our overwhelm because it’s taking up brain space and energy, and we’re so used to it that we barely recognize it’s there anymore.
Quieting the Never-Ending Negative Narrative
Here’s how to quiet the negative chatter and take action towards feeling better about yourself:
#1 Recognize what you're saying to yourself.
For only one day, pay attention to everything you’re saying to yourself about your appearance and write it down. We can’t change what we don’t acknowledge.
#2 The antidote for mean self-talk? Self compassion!
What do you love about your appearance? How would you talk to your friend or daughter about their body? What other traits are even more important than what you look like? Acknowledge all the things — big and small you love about yourself.
#3 Redefine beauty with radical self-acceptance.
Bodies change. Aging happens, and it's a privilege. We’re not ever going to be 20, 30, or 40 again. And to be honest, I don’t want to do those decades again. Fifty is great! I wouldn't trade anything for the mindset and personality I have now.
#4 Do some things that work, do them consistently, and do them forever.
I’m not going to lie, learning to take better care of my body has pissed me off at times. I resented having to think about it. I hated needing to do things differently to achieve my goal of health and strength. I used to like to tell myself that no one else needs to do these things, so why do I have to? (That’s a lie, by the way.) What I have found that works is to be patient with the process, trust it, and make these new habits a fun part of my life.
Here are some habits I've worked on over the past five years:
I started by drinking more water. I put a water bottle beside my desk and would bring one in the car. I made sure to drink 1–2 litres (4–8 cups) of water a day. It helped with my sleep and gave me more energy during the day.
I got good at that for a few months and then I got my blood checked and noticed I was low in iron. I found an easily digestible iron supplement at the grocery store and started taking it every day with my multivitamin. This helped with my energy.
After I worked on that, I worked on my sleep. I got an Oura Ring to track it and worked with my doctor to fix the problem. I took a sleep apnea test, I started taking allergy medication, started HRT and took some sleep supplements from Amen Clinics.
Then, after a few months, I started walking every day for 20 minutes. This helped with my productivity, mood, and physical health.
Then, after a few more months, I started eating more protein. The easiest number to follow is 100 grams of protein a day, minimum. I track it in an app called Noom, and I was shocked by how much I still have to improve in this area. I’m still working on it, but it’s getting easier.
Then, I reduced my sugar and flour consumption. I’m not saying I never eat a cookie, but even having this goal has greatly reduced my need for them. The first couple of weeks were hard, and I felt a bit flu-y, but then it went away. I like Stevia in my coffee in place of sugar, and I have learned to like other things, so I'm eating more veggies. Probably a good thing!
Then, I cut back on drinking alcohol. It's surprising how quickly the number can add up in a week. I still plan to have one a week but have found that even that isn’t necessary. This has helped with hangovers (even one makes me feel yuck) and retaining water.
Next on my list is lifting weights. I’ve dabbled but would like to make it more consistent with three days a week.
If you're working on feeling better about yourself and feeling better in your body, there is no quick fix. Our brain naturally overestimates what we can get done in a short amount of time, and underestimates what we can do in six months or a year.
Small changes over time actually do add up. In the past, I would think that my efforts wouldn’t be enough or I wouldn’t see immediate results, so I would give up. What I have learned is that not all benefits are observable, like better cholesterol or blood pressure, and that habits decrease overwhelm. When things are automatic, like putting on your PJ’s, then we don’t spend much mental effort thinking about them.
We just get to reap the rewards! Working on the mental shifts necessary to make these new habits is also a game-changer, so let me know how I can help!
This list is not a prescription to follow; you should consult your doctor to determine the right course of action for you.
