What Good Are Values? The Secret to Better Decisions
The Hidden Power of Your Personal Values
I used to think that values were a "nice to have," but not necessary for everyday life. I equated them to knowing your Myers-Briggs personality type or Enneagram number. It was interesting information, but I wasn’t sure how knowing these things really mattered.
What I didn’t know was that we all have values, and they secretly and unconsciously guide our choices every day. When our values are crossed, we have strong reactions. Being unaware of our values is preventing us from using them to their full potential.
When I went through the process of defining my values, I learned how to use them to make decisions every day. We experience decision fatigue when we're tired or have made too many in a day, so clear direction is very helpful for navigating the many choices coming our way.
Often, we have to make decisions about things that don’t have a clear right or wrong answer. Values help us feel good about our choices, even when we don’t know how it will all turn out. You’re able to make the best decision you can at the time with the information you have.
How to Define Your Core Values
It can be challenging to determine your values, but there are a couple of steps that help.
Step 1: Identify What You Admire and What Frustrates You
First, think of someone you admire. What do you admire about them? Their tenacity? Their honesty? Next, think about situations that frustrate you. What qualities do you not like about the people involved? Do they lack integrity? Would you call them selfish? These questions can help you make your choices.
Step 2: Narrow Down and Rank Your Top Values
Next, sit down with a list of values and circle all of the ones that resonate with you. You may identify 20 or more. Then go through it again and cross off the ones that are other people’s values, or values you think you “should” have. You may end up with 5-10. Identify your top two so it's easier to make decisions. If you can’t get down to two, try ranking them in order.
Putting Values into Practice: A Case Study in Integrity
Now you’re armed and ready to make great choices with your top values. Imagine your colleague agreed to complete a report by Wednesday morning, so you could complete your analysis for the board meeting on Wednesday night. The colleague doesn’t finish it, and you don't have the information you need for the board meeting.
You have some strong feelings about this. What will you do?
One option is to be mad and react passive aggressively, complaining about the colleague behind their back. Many leaders would do this.
Instead, look to your values and ask, How could I use my values to act with integrity?
For example, two of my top values are authenticity and generosity.
Authenticity means being myself and having good boundaries, and generosity means making generous assumptions about others' intentions.
Authenticity would require me to have a conversation with my colleague, and not just keep my disappointment to myself. Generosity would require me to be curious and open-minded about what my colleague has to say.
My initial reaction to not having the information I needed may have been anger and disappointment, and I may have sent a nasty email and gossiped about my colleague. When I take a breath and respond intentionally, according to my values, I will manage my emotions and suspend judgement.
I will use this as an opportunity to understand what got in my colleague's way and strategize a plan to get the work completed in a timely manner going forward.
Because I approached the situation this way, I may learn that there was far too much work to do within the given timeline. I may learn that coffee was spilled on their computer and the work was lost, causing them to start over. Or, I may even learn that they're not the right person for the job, and I will give this assignment to someone else next time.
When we approach situations using our values, we have the best chance of doing great problem-solving work and using setbacks to build trust and connection. When we don't behave according to our values, we don’t feel good about how we respond. It doesn’t mean that living our values is easy, but our future selves will be proud of us, and we will build a reputation for having integrity.
