Mom Guilt & FOMO: Prioritizing Self-Care as a Parent
I’m about to spend a week on the road, training leaders across the province in resilience and Dare to Lead skills. I will be missing my daughter’s first national competition of the season, and I’m feeling a little guilty. While I prioritize my family, my work schedule is set months in advance, and sometimes my kids' schedules are a little last-minute. My husband and my Dad are taking her instead, and I know they'll be great, but the guilt and FOMO are still there.
This reminds me of how we, as parents, can feel guilty taking a break from our responsibilities.
At the end of the day, I could have rescheduled or cancelled one of my work commitments to join my husband, dad, and daughter, but sometimes it’s good for them to have time to bond and figure out how to do things without me. This event is important to my daughter, but it’s not the Olympics. It will also be a great opportunity for them to learn to work together and to learn what works and what doesn’t, as father, daughter, and grandfather, as well as in competitions.
This year, I’m focusing on doing more fun things.
A friend and I were discussing taking trips without our kids, and we both could count on one hand how many we have taken. We both said that if we had known then what we know now, we would have taken more.
Why? Because we now realize how important it is to invest in ourselves and how crucial it is to have fun without family for our mental health and wellness. Not only are these trips full of great memories, but deepening relationships with our support network helps us feel less overwhelmed and less alone.
On top of that, kids remember far less than we think they will. Just ask your 16 or 18-year-old how many family vacations they remember. You’ll be surprised at how few.
I’m glad we took them, but I thought they’d have a lot more memories. They don’t.
A predominant fear that moms have is that we are somehow going to permanently scar our children.
We think that if we leave our kids with other loved ones for hours or days, they will be irreparably harmed because they will feel abandoned. My aunt once said to me, “It’s not like you’re locking them in a closet. You're leaving them with their dad!” She was right. Just because my brain had this fear doesn't mean that it's likely to traumatize my children if I leave them with a reliable caregiver.
In my limited experience, they even had a good time! Even if things aren’t done the way you would do them, it's healthy for children to have time and relationships with a variety of trusted adults, so that they see how big and strong their support network really is. And so can I.
