Reclaiming Your Evenings: Overcoming Revenge Bedtime Procrastination
One way that professionals and leaders are coping with busy, stressful work lives is by reclaiming their evenings.
Have you ever found yourself sitting down in front of the TV to enjoy your favorite Netflix show with a glass of wine and ice cream, only to not get to bed until 2:00 a.m.?
It feels good in the moment. And naturally, we want more time for ourselves — some “me time” — with no children, no housework, and no work demands. We want a break from our relentless schedule, which we don’t feel we have control over. And we’re so exhausted at the end of the day that we feel like we need to rest up before we can get up off the couch and get ready for bed.
This is called revenge bedtime procrastination.
What is Revenge Bedtime Procrastination?
Revenge bedtime procrastination (RBP) is the term for when we feel we lack control over our daily lives and don't schedule enough time for rest and enjoyment.
It's called “Revenge” because it's a rebellion against our demanding employers, but the consequences ultimately fall on us. We often fear doing only what's in our job description, because we think there's some benefit to going above and beyond.
Many people I talk to are worried about losing their jobs, wanting to be a favorable candidate for a promotion, or don’t want to let their clients, students, customers, or patients down. They feel they can't adequately do their jobs during the assigned hours, so they work through lunch, skip breaks, and work in the evenings and on weekends — often doing unpaid work.
No wonder we’re feeling so overworked and overwhelmed.
We feel guilty only doing what fits into our job descriptions, and we don’t want to let anyone down.
What we don’t realize is that we’re not the problem. The problem is a system that doesn't have enough funding or can’t find enough qualified employees, and there is no way for us to solve it.
Overworking to take the pressure off the system only burns us out and prevents our managers and leaders from seeing that there's actually a huge problem. When you’re someone who takes pride in their work and wants to be recognized, only doing the job you were hired to do feels uncomfortable at first. However, the alternative is that we become chronically overworked and potentially have to go on stress leave multiple times, for longer and longer periods. Therapy helps us get into a mindset that's more sustainable in the long term. Once we give ourselves permission to take breaks and have fun, to take care of our physical and mental health, and to find more balance in our lives, we no longer feel the need to engage in revenge bedtime procrastination.
Taking Sleep for Granted
We often take our sleep for granted, and sometimes it feels like we will never resolve our sleep issues. RBP compels us to trade our precious sleep for “me time.” However, sleep is called a keystone habit because, without it, our lives are harder in every way. We know this intellectually, but it’s hard to put sleep discipline into practice, especially when we are sleep-deprived. In the moment, we don’t care about tomorrow’s consequences. But in the morning, we regret it again. Before we know it, we're pouring our third cup of coffee and reaching for a glazed donut.
A good night's sleep starts with good daily habits and a good mindset that includes exercise, nutrition, talking about problems, giving ourselves permission to have fun, setting boundaries, and delegating.
Breaking the Revenge Bedtime Procrastination Habit
Here are some mindset thoughts that help prevent or move us away from revenge bedtime procrastination:
“I deserve to have me time.”
“I don’t have to work myself to the bone to be loved.”
“I don’t have to give everything away."
"I can save some time and energy for myself without guilt.”
“My happiness is good for everyone — my family will not be permanently scarred if I take time for myself."
'Realistically, I will not lose my job if I leave on time and put the computer away.”
This will help us stop valuing overworking, give us permission to take breaks when we’re tired, and look for more opportunities to have fun throughout the day. When we save some energy for our time after work, we can participate in the things we enjoy without being grumpy, like walking the dog, reading bedtime stories, and making each other laugh.
Create an Evening Routine To Wind Down
Research and my personal experience say that alcohol greatly interrupts sleep, as does overeating later in the day, screens before bed, and devices in the bedroom. I found that when I’m struggling with RBP, if I do my bedtime routine after dinner at 6:30 p.m., when I still have some energy, then I’m more likely to go to bed on time.
Creating a good sleep environment helps you transition from your busy day to sleep. Pick a bedtime so you get 7-9 hours of sleep; mine is 10:00 p.m. Create a dark room, minimize disturbances (animals, kids, snoring, devices), and make sure the room isn't too warm.
New habits take consistency and determination, so give yourself some grace.
Adjusting your mindset towards a better work-life balance and your schedule takes effort! If you mess up, go easy on yourself and simply get back to it tomorrow. Allow yourself to make mistakes, and keep learning from what works and what doesn’t.
Keeping a sleep journal can help you track factors that affect your sleep, including what you ate or drank that day, your movement, and the shows or movies you watched. Persistence is the key, and you will see the results of your hard work when you are more rested, have more fun sprinkled throughout the week, and it is easier to do the things that are most important to you!
If you have chronic sleep problems, talk to your family doctor, explore Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Sleep (CBT-I), and make it a priority.
